I am now retired more than 5 years, launched into a different life. The matrix of my former life suddenly and unexpectedly became more mutable than it had ever been. I had no ties or obligations to a particular place. I remained a parent, but mostly at a distance. All the normal reference points of identity and the behaviors that came with it either loosened or disappeared. In the midst of radical uncertainty, I felt an unfamiliar and delicious lightness.
I also have an orientation to dharma study and practice. I decided to indulge my unending curiosity, explore a new lifestyle and a new intention: more spontaneity, radical presence, fearlessness, creative integrity and no regrets.
These conditions present opportunities to blend life and practice, to make life as practice an immediate reality. The world needs more of this anyway. A lot more. Who shall I become? A global nomad? A divine madman? A lion, unafraid? Unattached, like the wind? Or like space, not relying on anything? All of the above? Whatever it is, I have been more fluid and, I hope, living closer to the truth.
I have explored new surroundings (Southeast Asia for four years), new activities, new endeavors and associations (developing an alternative energy product for deployment in Laos). Looked at individually, they may seen disparate. But together, they have become an enriching, provocative and rewarding path.
My identity has emerged as a writer, a research analyst, an activist, blending and bleeding spirituality into politics and personal growth such that they become one–or disappear altogether. I still seek the safety of the familiar in many small ways…. yet also have been able to permit structure to fall away from time to time.
This is an exploration of what arises in the moment, spontaneous presence, Being being Itself through Us as beings, seen through the lens of Vajrayana and the offerings of my precious teachers. All appearances, all perceptions and phenomena are both real and illusory, arising spontaneously from the immeasurable potentiality of nothing whatsoever; their essence empty, clear and unlimited. Personal attainment does not depend on a permanent achievement of selflessness, but rather a capacity to live in a stable awareness of appearance and emptiness (No-self) as One.
This is the reality of appearance and the truth of emptiness, realized in the moment. What possibilities does this open? What does such a condition call for? — a freshness, simplicity and joyful, open presence: the roots of authentic compassion-surely the important challenge for every life in every time.
Now, more than five years later, who have I become? An argonaut of the ineffable? A surfer on the turbulent poetics of decolonization, Deep Adaptation, redefining activism and responding in the most honest way possible to the emergency of this world.